The Mental Weight of an Unexpected C Section Birth
Aimee’s Birth : Emergency C Section, An Unexpected Turn, a Powerful Journey
I never imagined my first birth would unfold the way it did. I had all these expectations, including ones I didn’t even realise I was holding on to - until they shattered in an operating room. My daughter came into the world through an emergency C-section under full anesthesia. It was a life-or-death situation. There was no time to process, no time to prepare. One moment, I was in labour; the next, I woke up with my husband standing beside my bed, holding our baby girl in his arms.
And yet, despite the absolute necessity of that surgery, I blamed myself.
I blamed my body for "failing." I blamed myself with the idea that I had somehow let my baby down. Like I didn’t “handle birth well.”
The internet, always willing to confirm our worst fears, led me down a rabbit hole of misinformation…absolute nonsense … things about how C-section babies weren’t exposed to the "right" bacteria, how their immune systems would suffer, how their personalities might be affected. It was all nonsense, but in my fragile, postpartum state, it felt like the truth. And because I had missed the moment of her birth, I spiraled into thinking that I had missed my chance to bond with her, that I had failed as a mother before I had even begun.
The disconnection was real. I had pictured that first cry, the first skin-to-skin, all that good stuff. Instead, my poor husband was pushed out the door of the operating room, only to stand alone in the corridor, unable to witness her being born. Never once did he make me feel like I had let him down, but I felt so sad that her birth was taken away from him too. Perhaps even guilty. The emotional and mental toll was heavy.
Recovery was brutal. I wasn’t just healing from labour; I was healing from major abdominal surgery while figuring out how to keep a newborn alive for the very first time. Walking to the letterbox at six weeks postpartum felt like climbing a mountain. Every movement reminded me of what I had been through, yet the world around me expected me to just be overwhelmed with joy, which I was—but I was also drowning in feelings of failure.
Beyond the physical pain, the mental toll was tough. My scar felt like a symbol of failure - at least, that’s how I saw it then. Now, I know it’s what saved her life (and potentially mine too). The hormonal rollercoaster only dialed up my self-doubt. I wanted to be proud of my daughter’s arrival, but I felt like I hadn’t done enough to bring her into the world.
But why do we do this to ourselves? A single moment—one outside of our control—to define how we see ourselves as mothers?
The pressure, the shame, the idea that a "real birth" looks a certain way—its unfair. No mother should feel like she failed when she did everything in her power to bring her child into the world safely.
Why was there so much pressure to birth a certain way, as if that determined how strong or capable I was as a mother? It took me years to unravel those feelings.
Since then, I’ve had a VBAC and an scheduled C-section, and with distance, I can finally see what I wish I had known back then:
Birth is birth. No one way defines strength, womanhood, or love.
Be kind to yourself. You just brought life into the world—however that happened, it was enough. You are enough.
Go gently. Your body and mind have been through something huge. Small steps are still steps.
Talk. Say the things out loud, to a friend, a partner, a professional. Postpartum emotions are heavy, but they don’t have to be carried alone.
It’s only a worry because you care so much. The fact that you feel this deeply - it only means you love beyond measure. That’s what your baby needs most. They already have everything in you.
And if you’re in that space right now, I hope you hear it too.
April is C-Section Awareness Month—a time to honour and amplify the stories of those who have welcomed their babies via Caesarean. Whether it’s your first or your fourth, a C-section can bring a mix of emotions: empowering, grounding, overwhelming, and everything in between.