Perinatal Mental Health | Meet Danielle

5 May

Today we introduce you to someone very special to us, Danielle van Meeuwen. Danielle is an incredible Mum to three children, aged five and under. Danielle is not only a super mom, she’s also a hugely valuable member of the She Moves team, helping with everything that goes on behind the scenes. Danielle so bravely opens up and shares her experience of postpartum depression and we could not be more proud of her! Like all the ladies who have shared their stories, Danielle is passionate about supporting mums and helping them to realise they are not alone in their struggles.

Can you tell us a little bit about your family?

When I had just turned 18 and started my first year of university, I met my best friend and husband, Jonny. We have been married for seven years and have three beautiful children; Kendall, Georgie and Louis.

At what point did you realise you were suffering from Postpartum Depression/Anxiety?

I’ve had different degrees of postnatal depression and anxiety after each of my births but they all started in the same way. “Baby blues” that just didn’t seem to go away. Weeks of feeling sad and hopeless turned into a couple of months before I recognised it.

What symptoms did you experience?

There are so many symptoms that I could talk about but there were three major symptoms that really affected me the most.

My biggest symptom has been a huge feeling of failure. I remember feeling panicked about anything to do with my babies. I was obsessed with controlling their sleep and when it didn’t go to plan I would blame myself and tell myself that my family deserved better than I could give them and would be better off without me.

Sleep and eating patterns are something that I found to be really affected by my postnatal depression. One of the first signs that I knew something wasn’t right after I had my oldest daughter was the inability to switch off my mind to get sleep at night myself as well as a lack of appetite to the point where I could forget to eat all day.

The last major symptom that I feel has been a huge part of my journey is the inability to feel joy/enjoy anything. It’s almost like a feeling of boredom sets in. You can be with your family who you love so much or be doing something you usually enjoy and just find it so unsatisfying. Life just feels pointless and monotonous.

How long did these symptoms last for?

With my first child I struggled for eight months before things felt more “normal” again but with my second it was well beyond that first year of her life. Closer to two years.

How did you take that first step in seeking help?

The first step is always talking to someone. It can be your Midwife, GP, healthline, family member who will advocate for you.

The GP was where I got help with my oldest and they were amazing and helped me get on medication and put me in touch with a support group (which I was a bit skeptical about when they mentioned it) which ended up being such an amazing support to me as a struggling new mum.

Second time around for me was a bit more severe and I was referred to maternal mental health after a family member decided to intervene and get me help through the Plunket line. I spent some time in respite which I am still so thankful for.

What did you find really helped you through this period of your life?

There are two things I think really helped me:

1. Although it didn’t come naturally to me, asking for help was key to surviving.

2. Doing something each day that felt good. Putting those walking shoes on and getting some sunshine. Sitting with a coffee outside during a nap. Having a long hot shower when my husband got home from work. Listening to a feel good podcast. I found doing just one thing that made me feel more human helped my state of mind so much.

What advice would you give to another mum who might really be struggling with their mental health?

Don’t feel ashamed to get help or wait too long to get help. There are so many people out there who understand and who want to help you. You have not failed as a mum if you are struggling.

Try to remember that although this stage feels never ending and HARD. You will feel more yourself soon. It won’t last forever. It is temporary and will pass. You can do hard things and you are the best mum for your baby.